*well, wanted to blog yesterday but the server was down for i think... a few hours...*

the excruciating feeling is back...it seems that i'm stuck in this little world.. i cant get out.. my heart is bleeding profusely...everything doesnt seems to be right for me... i feel like i'm going to burst into tears anytime.. i started to put on a smiling mask when i'm in school..i didnt want to let anyone know what i am feeling... i cried to sleep last night over small silly things.. i cant stand myself too... a lot of pple could see that i wasnt in a good mood today though i had try my best not to show it out.. i even lied to some of them when they asked why is my eyes so small today..i said i woke up at 4a.m... i mean i didnt really lied cause i really woke up that early today...but i didnt tel them the other factor that make my eyes so small..it' beacuse i cried to sleep last night..
i was staring at my ceiling early in the morning..it seems so low that it looks as if it could just fall any moment..feeling really very depressed by all the unhappy things that is happening all around..i wanted to shout pass the walls...and deep into the river..i wanted to "throw" all my troubles away.. but when i have successful "thrown" the problem away..another came..why is this happening to me..?
*i dont need YOU to shed crocodile tears and to pity me..it seems like YOU are looking down on me.. it hurts me, do YOU know that..? to see you transform to another person who doesnt want to care about others feeling already.. sometimes i would admit it's my fault when it's the other way round.. but that doesnt mean that i dont have emotions*
i'm a human being... i have feelings... dont push me all around.. YOU have mood swings, so do I... why am i always having problems....? i didnt say i'm always correct, did i..? no, i didnt but instead i am always saying it's my fault though sometimes it wasnt, didnt YOU notice that...?pple have mistakes.... the important part is to admit it, learn from it and not repeat it... well, as i have said..i'm a human too..i do make mistakes and i want to say that i didnt say that i'm right....
i am feeling real down because of all the things that happen so suddenly... i'm sorry that this blog entry seems to be rather sad..i wanted to apologise to those who is reading my blog..
"many things make my heartbeat stopped for a moment..."
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At7:56 PM

"no one even bother to listen to our singing...."-i thought as i hardly heard any applause from the ground..i knew some did but the sound just faded off.... "na nian wo men..........."we sang through the song when the canteen is packed with people like the cars having traffic jam... we used our support..but....wat happen..? the sound just.....oh, why no one even bother to ask us how we felt..? i had gave in my best and i believe the others too.... are we going to remain like this until next tue which will be is the syf day..? i doubt so, i guess it's not too late to change for the better...i think the choirs' sound couldnt travel is partly due to the noise that the students contribute during recess.... well, on the actual day of syf, i guess no one is going to shout here and there, wasting their saliva...so, i guess...in a quiet hall, the sound effect would have been better... i wanted to shout.... i feel like someone is straggling me...i dunno why. I know that something unpleasant is bothering me somewhere deep in my heart.. i knew the feeling would came back sooner or later when i am alone...(sorry, i cant really help it..i tried ways to make myself numb...it works but only for a period of time. and then......) physics....omg...someone help me please.. Whoosh, and we have come to the end of the topic..i dont understand it at all...i feel so frustrated... *we dont lose special frenz as long as we hold them in our hearts...* hope you are holding on mine like I’m holding on to yours.... when can this end....? Like the ending in the fairy tale...? signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At8:09 PM

one period after another.... everything is moving at a very fast speed... from the start of school, i found out that there is something amiss.... then, i realise that shenny wasnt in school today.. *wonder how she is*... was so quiet throughout the lessons...
geography was the first lesson we had at the start of the day, the start of the week... everything must be start right.. a new day symbolise new hope and new life.. well, we start a new topic... teacher gave out notes and i kept one for shenny....ooooo, it was really quiet man...
mathematics came.. and very fast, it was over..
chemistry seems to be like a train... wooosh, off it goes... fast enough it was recess again... being in the class and staring at a particular teacher, without understanding what she is saying is unbearable.. this is exactly how i feel when physics lesson came right after recess...i realise that i'm not the only one who doesnt understand her lesson, others too..haiz, i think i had no choice but to have self-studying.. haiz...i hate the subject man.. i'm already thinking of dropping the subject in o levels..
emaths again.. was fast enough.. before mr ang walked away... one sentence strike me... from mr ang.. he said "why are you looking so lonely..? because of her(pointing to shenny's sit) or..."he didnt complete his sentence.. he continue by saying it's okay, never mind..
i was wondering what happen... was it because of shenny, that's y i become quiet..? haiz, i used to dislike this sitting arrangement but found out that i was wrong after a few days... sitting beside someone who can make you laugh and let u forget those unhappy things are real good...
too many things happen that make me feel like i'm not belonged... i think this is the main reason why i am so quiet.... another reason is partly because of shenny.. with her around, she can chat and make me laugh.. for a moment, i can at least smile..but today.. things wasnt the same...
english.... we planned about the dabating sppech that we are going to have soon....
"ring........"the bell goes and chinese was the last period.. we were suppose to write a compo or sumthing like that..haha, i think we sure have debating talents..cuz after debating with miss yan, she decided that we shld do some questions instead of compo(as what we wanted)..haha.. oral for some were held..heard that it was as difficult as what i had last friday afternoon...
wasnt sure to go for choir or the course.. rebecca said that it's compulsory to attend choir practice today....in others words, she mean that we shld skip the course, isnt it..? but we paid for the course...and isnt it funny, we paid for it and yet we missed it...aiya, in the end, the five of us(sijia, yan ling, li hin, pei shan and i) decided to attend the course....well, talking about choir..i wasa very nervous.. becuase tmr is our BIG day..we are going to be on the stage... imagine when you go on stage and at the end, no one bother to clap their hand..isnt this so embarrasing..?
course..ya the course...was laughing all the way that i didnt even realise that it's the end of the course at 4.15p.m today..well, we acted out a role play again..and the topic must be choosen base on one of the teenages problem..i remembered one of the groups acted out..the problem is very special...on prematial sex..haha, we was like..paying 101% percent..i cant help it but to laugh..well, they really derseve an applause*clapping my hand now*..haha...the funny part is always the guys..haha, they acted out a scene of miss neo teaching the class...wow, look so real man..haha...
thanks to all my frenz who wasnt in the same class as me(prove that even if we are in different class, our friendship wouldnt just end there)that have given me moral support...
claudia, thanks for all ur encourging words..and always being there for me..
cheryl, thanks for listening to all my problems and being a great frenz..
bariah, thanks for accompanying me all these while..thanks for showing me care and concern..
zhi ning, thanks for ur encourgment....
xin ling, thanks for tagging and showing me that our friendship could be good...
xuan hui, thanks for encourging words at my blog..thanks..
julian, thanks for being there by my side...
hong jun, thanks for being my best frenz and listening to my problem..
most of all, i wanted to take this oppounity to thank my classmate... for creating a good environment for me.. and being there when i need a shoulder..
THANKS TO ALL...
and to mr ong and mr khiat too...
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At5:10 PM

it's only 2 more days to the canteen stage performance by choir.. and a week or so to syf day.. *mmm, wondering what award will the choir get...*fast enough, it is already 27th of march already.. a fews days later, april would have emerged and soon, it will be time for our mid-year examinations and then..wahahahha..holidays...
every year... every month.. every week...everyday we are repeating the routine again and again... life is mundane...
"if there's nothing missing in my life, den why do these tears come at night".... i feel exactly the same when listen the the lysics of the song "lucky"..... i feel excruciated leading this kind of life...
i'm tryin to like myself and realise that actually i'm not that bad...suddenly feel respite from all unhappy things... i wanted to relax...
nowadays, i have been listening to songs...and i feel so good...it makes me instanly forget about myself and my surrounding..
thanks for all... that have been tagging encouraging words for me..thanks... i knew you guys would be there for me, right....?a million thanks.. we guys make me have a reason to smile....
"hoping to find back my old self that used to like myself...."
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At12:09 PM

choir, jia you wor... we can do it de... it's only about 1 week or so before syf... quite nervous.. and it's only a few days to the tuesday canteen performance... plz dun laugh at us,k....? hehe, i think we will be singing pretty well ba(i hope so)....
a million thanks to those who care and love me.. i knew you guys were there for me.. i'm trying hard to like myself too... erm, though sometimes i find myself a slow learner... well, once again thanks.... to yan ling, mr jae, julian, ying qi, my family... mr khiat... and lots more....
well, was quite glad with my results.. except for physics...i hate this subject man.. dunno wan the teacher talking about.. i think i'm considering to drop the subject because that's the worst subject i can score in... haiz.. i mean drop as in like dun take the result... but got take the exam because who knows what may happen..haha, but.. i think it is as expected.. haha..
nth more to say today....
"wish to be living in the fairy tale"
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At6:22 PM

i hate myself for being so emontional..
i hate myself for being so petty at times..
i hate myself for always doing the wrong thing..
i hate myself simply because of everything i do...

when i saw the "toy insect" on my soft toy.. i knew SOMEONE place it there... i tried to take it off.. but somehow, i failed... at that moment, i feel so... (the feeling was very hard to describe).. well, just know the the feeling wasnt very good...i kept quiet.. actually, i was a little upset and angry.. i feel like the whole world doesnt care anymore..and everyone hated me... everyone wanted to play a prank on me.. i knew i was being too sensative.. but.. i cant help it.. the feeling that i used to had came back... i feel like no body really bothers except for some.. i know you care for me.. i'm sorry if i have made you worry or anything.... i know you have your own problems too, but you will be there when i need you.. thanks...
I REALLY HATE MYSELF... i wrote this on my table... i feel like i am always at fault...that make others upset or anything....i knew i'm not a failure but who care about whether i have given my best or not..? almost none.. i failed to bring the broken friendship back.. i shall drop this topic for now...
"you guys are between the bronze award and the silver one"miss chan said.. she continued by saying "if on the actual day, something bad happen....you all will still get bronze one.. if better get silver"... i was so happy but also wondering at the same time.. "silver..?"- i thought it's a littleimpossible but i guess we still have 30% of getting it.. and 60% of getting bronze.. the other 10% is for COP...i'm not sure either.. the only fact i know is that choir is gradually improving every practice... oh yes, the date that we are going to perform on stage had change... instead of 28/03( monday).. it had changed to 29/03(tuesday)..well, will be only singing two songs on tuesday insteadof three.. we will be singing "visting spring" and "carry me home".. so scared... haha... on saturday, two instuctors fro other school is coming down to hear us.. omg, hope we will not do badly.. hope to maintain the standard as of today's.....
feeling so tired of myself.. sickening... i just hate myself.. in terms of... erm, everything...?
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At6:23 PM

wanted to sleep forever.... like the sleeping beauty in the fairy tale... dun wish to wake up.. i wanted to shout my lungs out... hated this feeling.. like... very sour....
i think about the past.. of me and you... i dun wan our friendship to turn out like that either.. i tried to talk to you but............ i heard no replies but my heart breaking.... i... i.... cant help it........ (the above is those that i manage to blog in class, the below part is completed at home...)
omg, u approach me..... "what done cannot be undone.." i agree but what do u mean by this..? be friends again as the past had become a shadow that must be left behind..? or no longer friends..?
i am... so afraid that i will say the wrong things...
erm.....let's drop the topic.. there are 8(i think so) people who had got credit for the australian mathematics.. "tang hui min"...hehe, so shocked and happy to be one of them.. pei shan, cheryl, valerie, stella, yee han... and.. some more... haha... nicholas, jasmine and yi qin got distinction.. haha, all from 3e3... wahahaha...
stayed back to decorate the class with the hanging dolls and soft toys... weeeee, it was fun and scary... haha...
i wanted to sleep forever and not be here on earth...where problems lies......with me.... i hate myself for being..... so........ well, my stupid negative weakness... stupid me.. i hate it..
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At1:00 PM

I HATE TODAY....i feel like shouting out loud...... i..i..... cant hold any longer..
"ouch...!!! it hurts.. IT HURTS.."i fell down on my hands while taking the shulter run.. maybe i was nervous... but had a retake after that... and got 3 points... i know that the results is quite okay le.. but i expected more...if only i havn't fell down..... what a disappointment...
"fault"... the teacher in charge said when i had my first jump at the standing board jump station..."fault!!"he repeated when i did the second one... "125cm, try again"...the third time wasnt a success too...."FAULT!!!".. i was like... frustrated..? upset..? cuz this is the forth time i had try it but........ ok, i tried again... for the fifth time... "140".. the voice came from the male teacher.. i couldnt stand it anymore.. i FAILED.....
"how many times had hui min take for this standing board jump huh..?"- i heard a voice.. from a guy(i know who, but dun wish to mention name) from 3e2...this sentence really hurt,k..?
i didnt wanted this to happen too, right..? i wasnt like this in the past.. stupid me, what happen..? i feel like i'm useless...very useless....why..? just why did this happen..? i didnt want this ending...
"tang hui min, you have got gold award...."i heard my name being called.... i refreshed my mind when i was in sec 1 and in sec 2... in order to obtain gold award, i had to got at least 3 points for all stations and a total of 21 points........
i could only say a total failure..... what happen to me..? why did i fell...? why....?
she(someone, dun wanna say names) said:"why am i doing so poorly in the mini exam and now...in the napfa test..?"i wanted to try to talk her round but... i wasnt in a good mood either.. i thought back.. maybe she is better than me..?
cuz her results is much more higher than mine.. maybe her expectation is also higher..i dunno.. i used to do quite weel in napfa test, and on the other hand..not very good in academic results.. but now, look what i have done... i havnt done well for both..omg...
had no mood to write abot anything else.. let's hope that my retakefor the standing board jump will at least had 3 points.. and hope my results for tomorrow's 2.4km run will not be very disappointing...
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At7:24 PM

"mary had a little lamb.........."zul said with a lot of internal emotions... haha... it was so fun during the "toast master" course.. before tat, those pple who used to be in 2e2 said tat there is a trainee name stanley..they all prayed hard that the male trainee wouldn't get to teach our class...but the fact turn out to be a negative one.. the male trainee stepped into our class... we laughed non-stopped throughout the course.. i had acted as the child in one of the scenes... a spoiled kid... having an attitude problem..? haha, i guess so.. haha... the funny part was when the trainee asked the guys' group why didn't nicholas talked... (as we know, he is very soft-spoken... i guess the guys suggested nicholas shouldn't speak..cuz anyway we wouldn't be able to hear him).. the guys replied: nicholas role in this play is a mute... i was lik.... haha, this kind of reply..? i was on one hand, feeling funny.. but on the other(on his part), felt bullied..anyway, had a fun time today though got back all my results..
upset with my results...? erm, to say the truth a little..but nit that much cuz i knew i had tried my best.. i havn't been crying due to results but for friendships..ok, dun wish to talk about it..
was quite glad with my results.. but could have been improve.... i am trying not to make those silly careless mistakes..like now.. or, a lot of marks will be wasted.. haha...enough of this results thingy..let's talk about.. about...
the new term.. oh, mr ang was irritated by the guys in the class... because..? because when he stepped into class, there were a few guys(dunno who)... coughed in a sacastic manner.. mr ang wanted the guy to admit it.... but, there was a total silent.."so, there were 41 gals in 3e3... not 7 guys"mr ang said...
we had made history.. i think so.. had any class went to another to sing a birthday song for a birthday gal..? i dun think so... but we did it.. just today..3e3 went to 4e3 to sing a birthday song for a gal name soh hwee..anyway, it's a promise.. and it is not true that "promises are meant to be broken".. i think that a promise shld be kept..haha...
napfa test.. wahahaha... going to take the 5 station tmr.. and the running of 2.4km on wed... a little little scared.. cuz long time nvr train le.. haha..
hanging of dolls in class....? when wil that be..? havn't got time to buy or search the home for the dolls that are supose to represent us.. haha...
getting so excited for the new term... looking forward to friday.. good friday.. going out wif my family..haha... so excited..
blog skin..... someone please help me... i cant ut in the comment box... how..?
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At7:15 PM

everyday is a brand new start.. well, just reply mr ang's email..haha.. well, wanted to thanks all teachers that had put in 101% effort in teaching us...thanks..
like to take this opportunity to thank all my classmates in 3e3.. and those who had touched my life...THANK YOU!!!
had read a few blog entries jus now.. mr ong's, shenny's , yan ling's, ning en's and....... a lot..haha..
ddin't know what to blog about today.. erm, i get to know a new friend... through my other frenz..haha.. confusing ar..?haha.. anyway, it's good to make more frenz..
nice ma..? new "blog skins"... omg, now den i realise that mine is same as shao ying.. haha.. ice hor.. bear bear wan.
erm, i think nth to write le.. i'm running out to things to say..haha.. will blog more tmr..
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At10:11 PM

yeah..keep improving, choir..let's give our best shot on 5th of april..yeah, we are getting there... nearer and nearer.. a sentence that brighten up my day by miss chan..? i think so.. she said "choir, if you all can give me this kind of quality in sound every practice... i mean from the start to end, not like this practice only the ending.. u all are sure to get bronze for this syf.. so, let's aim for silver.. i know you all have tried very hard the other time but the result turn out to be a hurting fact...let's maintain this stardard.. dont step backwards.. from next practice onwards, i wan you guys to put in 101% effort during practice...dun stop trying"
bronze for syf....? i hope so too... trying our best is one thing.. the result is another.. yeah, let's believe ourselves... cheers!!! (thank u mr jae for commenting in my pervious entry...)
28th of march....it's a monday..... and... and... the choir is going to have a canteen performance during recess time...(if i'm not wrong).. hey, can you guys(i mean not all, but some) dont give those sacastic looks when we are up on the canteen stage(like the last performance we had on 13th september 2004)...? we are trying... trying very hard to make our sound travel as far as possible.. the choir also dun wish to "throw away our own faces".. plz dun make us dishearted, can..? if it is really terrible, can u al just dun make noise.. at least, it will make us feel better..well, if it's gd, give us a big clap..? ok, i am being bhb...
there arn't many days left to the stage performance.. neither to the syf..nor to speech day..
yan ling, si jia, pei shan...thanks that u gals accompany me to the back gate there.. or, i will be left alone...haha.. anyway, thanks...
wanted the short holidays to be longer.. but... this is impossible, isn't it..? haha... my sister who is in chinese dance is trying very hard too..for the dance steps to be perfect... the sec 1 members in chinese dance is going to have a stage performance too...on 22nd of march.. my sister almost took 1 hour per day to practice the dance... guys, let's support the sec 1 chinese dance members, yeah....? dun let them be disappointed by our attitude,k..? dun scare the sec 1 away, haha....
wanted to smile but cant.. the holidays are cuming to an end... sch is going to reopen..?haiz... going to be busy and buried by the hmwks and tests... and courses...?
"wishing upon the star
i wish that choir could at least get a bronze...
wishing for good health...
and for friendship with her to improve...
while friendship with others improve...
wanted to wish that sch will not reopen...
but it is so unrealistic...haha...
wishing upon the star
i wish for better grades
wanted to have more time"
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At1:47 PM

*yawn*.. so tired.. well, went to catch a movie today... "a series of unfortunate events"... well, was quite a nice show.. went to se the movie to give myself a small treat for putting in my best effort in the mini-exam..? lol, treat my sister too.. haha, saw shenny, stef, shao ying... den saw dianna and yiru.. so many pple sia..alright..
haiz.. nth much today.. just that we get to feel the feeling of being.. anxious..?nervous..? when pple are listening to the choir sing.. well, we gt to sing in the canteen.. ya, u hear it right..in the canteen.. the open space..oh my, unbelievable that we manage to sing through two songs.. haha...
haiz.. today miss chan seperate si jia and yan ling(the sitting arrangement).. haiz.. just like so did to me and pei shan and li hin.. haha..
project work.. oh, come on.. i hate this man.. what's this..? wif this kind of quality.. i dun think the rest will understand what we are trying to say..ok, nvm..
watch the last episode of the 9 pm show on channel 8.. erm, wat's the tittle..? erm, i only noe the chinese wan.. well, nvm.. haha.. quite touching in he end..i think my cheecks gt wet.. wat does this prove..? i'm emotional.. ok, fine.. haha.. just find one sentence we shld take note: "cherish the ones who is in front of us.. dont wait till u lose them, den u realise how important they are"
erm, napfa test cuming... haha.. run wif who leh..? erm, mayb myself.. cuz different pple have different speed.. haha...
i think that's all for today..*yawn*
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At11:26 PM

i wonder and wonder.. how good if i can be a baby who will have no worries and will always be happy.. i wonder and wonder.. how good it would be if i'm a fish.. who can swim all day long and dun care whether it rains or shine.. i wonder and wonder.. how good if i am a bird.. by then, i can fly where i like and look at the wonderful place in heaven.. if only i'm an angel that can help others... and to prevent friendship to break.. and for the human beings to be happy...if only i'm one of the good guys in a fairy tale.. then i will lead my life happily ever after... i wish... and wonder.. but.. these wouldnt happen..
"happily ever after"..? i dont think there is such a thing on earth.. i listen to the lyrics of a chinese song by cyndi and find it very true.. it stated:
"adult life doesnt seems like the fairy tale.. prince and princess seldom end up together.. It doesn’t only take one to have courage and to be kind, for the fairies to help grant wishes…"
very true, right..? sometimes, life isnt really fair.. the bad crooks in a fairy tale will always have retributions.. but in real life, they may still be free somewhere outside the world, still doing bad things.. and on the other hand, the good guys in a fairy tale will lead a good life.. but... in reality..? it doesnt seems to turn out the way it shld be..
the project with pei shan, li hin and mary occupy the whole morning and afternoon.. oh, i hate project work... it seems like it's of no use.. for the pupils to teach the others.. one just cant seems to concentrate as much.. dun ask me why, cuz i dunno too...
omg, the whole week is occupy by school work.. choir practice, project work, homework.. oh, oh, i'm having a headache early in the morning.. it seems like i dun have the mood today.. to focus on certain things..
*yawn*.. i think i'm going to slp early today.. but, i think not.. cuz i cant sleep anyway....
haiz, having choir in the morning from 9 to 12.. haiz.. tired man..
"if only, my life is like the good guys in a fairy tale... and i will live happily ever after"
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At6:35 PM

3e3 outing on monday was real fun.. but quite boring at times, walking round and round the mall.... mr ong taught us a technique.. wahahaha.. and it actually works.. well, he said that if we(almost the whole class) stand around the pple that are sitting, the others outsider would just walk away and let us have the space.. he said this is the gangster technique.. haha, i even hear one of the outsiders said tp her frenz: "i think we better let them have the seat.."
haha.. we were actually chase off by the security guard.. for consuming food at the stair ways...haha... no choice but to play the number game.. the forfiet is to eat finish the left over stuff..haha.. soon, the food was finish and the punishment change to.... truth or dare..
jacob was the first one to kanna.. he chose truth.. but change his mind a while later.. he was to ask a passer-by for her name and number.. a female wan.. haha.. the next suai wan was si jia.. she have chosen truth.. the question was: tell us about your first stead.. btw, do u have one..? her answer was no.. so, mr ong say that that question was not counted.. den ask again: do u have a crush(or something similar, cant really remember).. den si jia say that she havnt got any crush on anyone till now..next was stella.. she olso chose dare instead of truth.. she was to ask a usa guy where he is from, his no and name.. haha.. we had so much fun..
"me..? i would choose dare instead of truth"-pei shan told me.. i agree wif her.. if i olso kanna, i will olso choose dare.. haha.. i think so.. the movie "hitch" was not bad... very funny at times.. a show that worth both the time and money.. haha..all the kissing part was so... erm.. haha.. dunno la.. like so.. erm.. dunno how to describe.. haha.. the guys that woo the gals are so romantic and touching.. haha, enough of that.. haha...
life have to go on anyway.. although i thought this incident had made my heartbeat stopped..
i wanted to thank claudia, ning en and jacob for tagging all those encouring words after reading my pervious entry.. here they are:
claudia: hey..cheer up, gal..dun think so much le..k?
ningen: cheer up gal! I'm waiting for ur smiles..okay? xD
jac: hey...tings gonna be all rite..dun tink too much..
hehe, how sweet of them.. thanks pal..
wanted to thank mr ong, jacob, hong jun, julian, vincent, cheryl, ning en, li hin, claudia.. for showing me care and concern through msn upon seeing me msn nick..(though i didn't wanted to say the things that happen).. cuz my nick is: <3e3*~huiminz~*>:'(lots of things happen that made me feel that i shouldnt be here in the first place....
i'm glad that i can count on you guys..thank u.. thank u..
"*~huijiaz~*A broken heart cannot b mended... unless the person who cause it mend it back..."-this is my sister msn nick..i totally agree wif it.. haiz..
i think that's all for today..
"wishing upon the stars..
i wish that things is gonna be fine
and that for frenzhip wif all to improve
from ok to good, or good to best...
i wish for forgiveness
if i have done wrong
no matter in this incident or another
wishing upon the stars..
i wish not to make so much careless mistakes
in my work and in exam..
wishing that everything is gonna be fine"
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At7:30 PM

the world seems to have stopped.. my heartbeat too.. ouch! it hurts, it hurts so much when u told me those words.. i don't want it to happen too, right..? i know i have damage ur feelings too, but......... ok, i think all we need is time.. i, i....... was totally speechless when u just approach me like that.. i was so delighted when u chatted wif me first but..... after that, i just knew that something wasn't right.. y do u say that u dont think i treat u as my best frenz..? y do u say: "I have enough of these rubbish?" does it mean that all i have done is rubbish..? den you say: "U have been torturing me for months.. and i can it anymore......." so, arn't i torturing myself too...? ok, ok it's my fault.. it's all my fault......... from the start, it was only the wishful part of me to think that we are best of frenz....... i hate myself... for doing all this, that led to the misunderstanding.. i knew that i cant take the blow too..... i just kept quiet.. i dun wan this thingy to turn from worse to worst... i just.... "suffer" in silent..... so, the question is always back.. should i forget u..? and this frenzhip of ours..? i have been giving myself, as well as u, time... how long..? i'm not sure too... 1 week..? 1 month..? 1 year..? 1 century...?
i'm sorry if u guys are reading my blog and feel that it's very confusing.. sometimes i need to express my feelings... through this blog, it makes me feel better.. so plz bear wif me.. i'm sorry...
have no mood to say about the classouting yesterday..will say it in my another blog entry..
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At10:52 AM

A and B are best frenz..they both like the same guy at the same time.. however, the guy like B instead.. they were an item.. B was so furious when she knew that her best frenz A like her boyfrenz too.. A had kept it a secret that she like the guy from B as she knew how the outcome would be.. and she doen't want this to affect their frenzhip.. den how did B knew A like the guy too..? well, A did confessed her feelings for him before, so the guy told B.. their frenzhip was worsen because of this matter.. one very hurting sentence that B told A was: you are in wrong.. since u knew this would be the outcome, den why do u like the guy in the first place.. you are just like a criminal who "snatch" your best frenz boyfrenz"
after listening to this real story of A (who is....dun wish to mention), i feel B should't have said such hurting words.. A kept B in the dark that A like the guy too because she doesn't want B to feel hurt and their frenzhip to worsen.. A's nitezmare have come true.. their frenzhip did worsen.. so, after hearing what B said.. i find it very untrue.. is liking someone wrong..?
if i am A, I think i woldn't even regard B as my best frenz after this incident.. it was B's fault yet she push the blame to B..
is reading this entry confusing..? well, i'm sorry..i just cant stand it anymore.. A is being accuse and yet i cant do anything to help her.. haiz..
ok, dun wanna talk about this topic already..well, what can i say about the holidays..? busy.? i think so,almost everyday is packed with programme.. haha, so glad that my sister is back from camping..
haiz, why am i still thinking of you at this point of time..? is it because i am not overwhelm with work... that will numb me for a while..? i really wan us to be like the past.. there is nothing left except for the memories.. i know i'm selfish, i dun wan only memories.. I WAN US TO BE LIKE THE PAST.. i miss you alot.. why am i always thinking of u..? why..? tell me why..? the one who can make me smile is u but the one who had hurt me is also u.. what hav i done wrong.? even if i'm wrong, i have already apologise a lot, a lot of times le.. why cant u just forgive me for once..? why am i thinking of you..?
(the you i'm referring to a gal, dun misunderstand.. not a guy)
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At9:03 PM

alone... i'm all alone at home.. sister is having a camp.. i think having a camp fire now.. den mummy go have annual dinner(company de).. daddy go out out with frenz.. alone at home.. so quiet.. haiz.. this remind me of the show "home alone".. haha..
went to catch a movie with jia wen, li hin, shu jun and ling ning and her sis(she brought her younger sister along).. watch "howl's moving castle".. the movie is not bad.. it's in japanese.. learn some new words.. if i'm not wrong "oh hi yo" means good morning.. "oh ya c me" means good nitez.. i love u in japanese is "hi yi ma she"(if i'm not wrong)..
well recieve a message from dianna.. she asked me to spread around the venue of the mmvie we are going to catch on monday.. weeeeeee, so excited.. haha..
suddenly, those memories came back.. i found out that i miz 6.3.. my primary 6 class.. though i am in the same school as pei shan, cheryl, xuan hui, amirah, erin, nurlina, eileen, boon soom, winstar, yi qin, aloysius, jackson, geng kai, xiong sheng, ye hui, zheng ming, hussani, nur alif... but there are some who is not in same school as me like pei zhi, juvone, yvon, syazwana, suhana, wei ting, nazrina, kasturi, weiting, rebecca, suhailah, marriza, amalina, nadiah, huda, jia jia, chun kait, christopher, faritz, syed alif, lip ping, isaki, joseph..
(hope i didn't miss out anyone..).. haiz, mst importantly, i miss mrs chin who had taught me english, maths n science.. and being my form teacher for about 4 years and mrs tan who had taught me chinese for about 3 years.. miss them dearly..
talking about this topic.. quite like last year class which is 2e3.. miss some pple too.. some of them not in same class as me.. not some but all not same class as me except shye fern.. haiz.. miss them all.. adeline, valerie, hanis, jia yi, melissa, shao ying, astria, hanisah, syazrina, nurlina, amirah, victoria, marfua, mariam, zarifah, haynis, bariah, shahirah, stephanie, cindy, si jie, wan ying, ngin ying, claudia, ye hui, daniel, daryl, fazli, hong jun, ihsan, julian,kok kian, jin guan, zuan zhe and yao feng.. i thinks that's all the pple in my class...last year..2e3..
3e3..well, well.. quite a good class.. all i need is time.. time.. and more time.. to adapt to the environment.. get to read sze ying's blog yesterday.. was blushing when she actually praises me.. haha.. i forgot to add in that yesterday was miss chew's birthday.. she was so "malu" when we called her out of the general office to sing her a birthday song.. the funny part is that when she havn't seen what's really ging on.. she gave a funny look when she step closer as she really thought someone fainted(cuz we crowd aroud there)..lol, she said she was really thankful and called us to grow taller(so that next time, we can block her).. haha..
i miss ning en, mary, wan ling and nicholas.. haiz.. miss the arrangement in the past.. for term one.. i miss the old good times when we were laughing away.. about small small silly things.. haha..
haha, i really had a lot to blog today.. just bear with me.. a few more to go..
going to jin guan house tomorrow... with zuan zhe, julian, jackson, zhi ning.. haiz, poor claudia having chicken pokes.. cant cum along.. den hong jun(some sort of my "best frenz") tmr den cum back frm camping.. so will be worn out.. haiz..
i think that's all for today ba..
"miss the old time.. everything is gone except for the memories.."
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At9:12 PM

worn out..
i'm sick and tired of the daily routine.. nothing interesting.. the whole holiday is packed with programme.. omg, i'm going to be worn out soon.. had choir on tuesday and friday.. and a full dress rehearsal on tuesday.. did i heard wrongly.. no i didn't heard wrongly..full dress rehearsal.. my my, going to be so.. nvm.. den going to do group work with pei shan, mary and li hin.. haiz.. project again..
homework
homework is going to kill me sooner or later.. there are just tons and tons of homework needed to be done over the short holidays.. who do the teachers think we are..? robots..? no, we are human beings.. haiz.. though sometimes i wish to be a robot too..
class outing
yeah.. it's gonna be fun.. but mary, ling ning and sonia cant make it..haiz.. going to watch movie.. the whole class..? haha.. interesting.. this brought back memories of 2e3 last year..
2e3..2004
i miss all of them.. all 37 of them.. all that left behind was wonderful memories...
i flunk my amaths
oh my my.. terrible.. i think i ought to do some self reflection on how i fare this time round.. careless mistakes again.. i cant help but to fear i will get last in class... if i really get, it would not be very disappointing asi expected it long time ago
tiredness
wat can i say.. what words can i use to describe my feelings...other than tired..? how about worn out..? lol, it's almost the same meaning.. what a stressful week...
missing u
i miss you so much.. i'm going to miz u.. haiz.. not going to see u for today, tmr and the day after tmr.. haiz, no one to quarell wif me for 3 days.. haha.. today's blg entry so funny.. so many heading..
"i miss the old days.. "
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At5:22 PM

hip hip hoorey...
exams are finally over... relaxing time.. just wanted to have a stroll at the park to admire the carefree birds and to take a deep breath of the fresh air outside..
english.. emaths.. amaths.. physics.. chemistry.. elective geography.. social studies.. chinese..
omg.. going to be real mad when i see the results.. the marks are really not up to expectation.. but at least i knew i have give my best shot..
havn't been blogging for a while because of those preparation for exams and stuff like that..
hoping and praying not to get last in class... well, everyone don't wish to get last, right..

all i wanted is to maintain the wonderful friendship we used to had... everything is destroy in ur hand.. there is nothing left.. only memories.. i wanted to shout in your ears to tell you just how much i care.. i am willing to run for miles to prove how much i wanted you to be my friend.. i know it's time for me to let you go.. i think those memories are enough to occupy my mind.. i dun wan this to happen.. i know i cant bear to leave.. why are you avoiding me..? you used to say that i always put the blame on myself though it's not my fault.. i guess it's really my fault this time round.. why are you avoiding me..? all i want is to have a simple conversation with you.. is this really too hard for you to do..? is it really very hard to say hi..? i wanted to explore the heart of yours.. i wanted to know whether if i'm still one of your good frenz or not..
what do you want me to do..? i have tried almost everything.. talking to you face to face is no use.. you just will feel awakened.. wat u expect..? i even told you my feelings but..you just simply pretend that you didn't hear.. i'm really out of ideas.. why dont you tell me what should i do..?
"if only there arn't problems on earth."
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At3:48 PM

never expected this to happen... i'm sorry..
see the tittle..? well, i really didn't expect it to happen.. i know i'm wrong.. just hoping that evrything is going to be fine.. wish that MR ANG wil forgive me.. it happens like this.. we got back our emaths paper yesterday.. "i thought my answer was right..? i thought the answer should be -9 instead of -16.."i felt so accused that i was actually marked wrong when my answer was actually right..i just kept quiet.. after recess, yi qin collected those people's paper whose answer for that question is -9.. i think probably to add marks for the correct answer.. haiz.. i wonder.. i wonder.. i think i was quite rude when talking to MR ANG.. i was so troubled..
Early this morning i went to the general office to intercom MR ANG.. i wanted to apologise.. i knew i was rude.. will he forgive me..? mfor my rudeness.. i really didn't mean it.. i didn't mean it...at the parade square, i got li hin to accompany me to 4e3... to apologise to MR ANG.. feel so relieve after saying sorry..

exams.. stress.. studying.. revision..
i am so tired... so tired.. i didn't have time to blog.. i'm so tired that i even took an afternoon nap yesterday.. what a stressful week.. i think everyone has the same feeling too... wanted to take a stroll at the park to take a look at the clear blue sky and to breathe in the fresh air.. maybe after the exams.. well, everything.. be it the hardwork or the lack of sleep is worth it.. if the results are positive.. if it is otherwise, a lot will think that it's a waste of effort, isn't it..?
well, i am very DETERMINE not to get last in class....
"A failure that is fatal is
NOT when you try and fail
BUT when you fail to try"...
IF i really get last(though i'm determine not to), i will not be sad.. cuz i have tried my best.. thus, i'm not a failure.. i thought i've lighten out my thoughts.. i used to think that i cannot fail.. i cannot fail.. but now i feel that even if i feel, i wouldn't feel that bad cuz i did my best, right..?

feeling emotionally hurt.. but things surrounding me.. i'm going to fall sick any moment.. down with flu..awww.. that's bad.. even worst, my dad HAD fall sick.. was on mc for 2 days.. sob sob.. sister was accuse by her friends for STUPID reasons...and my mother is doing extra things(i mean her job)...haiz.. feeling down.. and with mixed feelings for the exams.. i "act" as if nothing happen when in sch.. though the fact is not.. well, i have learn how to take care of my emotions already..

"there are too many things happening around me.... sad.... sad.."
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At12:31 PM

my three wishes

wishing upon the star
i wish for good health
as it is better than wealth
wish for friendship to last
like the moon and the stars
that are inseperable at night
wishing and wishing
that everyone's dream
can come true
and for happiness too
wishing upon the star....

She Smiled At1:03 PM

"siao wan.. anyhow scold poeople..?"YOU said, before answering the phone call..
i paused and thought for a moment, when did i do wrong..? It was YOU who did wrong.. YOU are the one who make dad and myself worried.. don't YOU have the responsibility to call home if YOU want to play/watch basketketball..? can't YOU just take the trouble to call home, to at least inform us that YOU will be coming home later..? dad was so furious that he asked me to call the school.. no one answered.. i called yiru to asked what time chinese dance end.. she told me it's 5.30...it's 6+ and YOU are nowhere to be seen.. dad was worried, so he asked me to go downstairs to look for YOU.. i get changed and did accordingly.. when i saw YOU, i immediately tell YOU to be perpared for a scolding.. but why do YOU give me those kind of attitude that YOU can't be bothered..? before dinner, everyone was helping out.. either taking the utensils or arrange the chair.. except for YOU.. hello, YOU are not the princess ok...?
at dinner time, dad didn't even utter a single word of scolding..i just remain silent.. this shows how much dad care for YOUR feelings.. all YOU want is freedom, right..? dad had long given YOU that, why can't YOU just do him a little favour-to inform him that YOU will be back home later..?
back to now.. haiz.. why is my sister reacting like that..? our sitting arrangement had changed.. i miss ning en, wan ling, mary..... miss their laughter and the fun we had.. now, i am grouped with shenny, yi qin, atiqah and olivia...not used to it yet.. but i perfer the past..
mini- exam coming.. i am currently busy perparing notes to study for..
that's all folks..
signing off-huiminz

She Smiled At7:32 PM

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